Feelings Memory - A Simple Game That Builds Big Emotional Skills!
I remember the absolute joy of playing a homemade, introduction-to-reading game as a child. My mom would divide a piece of brown cardboard into nine to twelve squares. Each square held its own hand-written letter or sight word. I don’t have a clear memory of the intricacies of the game, not that it was complicated, but I seem to remember that as I started to master the concepts, aspects of the game would change to increase the challenge. When my mom sounded out the letter or said the sight word, I would have to correctly recognize it by placing a Smarties® candy on the correct square. Once I was able to recognize all the sounds or words on the board, I got to eat the Smarties®! I remember requesting to play the game multiple times, until the pack of Smarties® was gone. Maybe because it was just the right amount of challenge, or maybe because the game board would change frequently… or maybe because it was 1980 and I got to eat Smarties® as reinforcement… I LOVED this game!
As we’re getting into summer and with parents looking for ways to enhance their child’s social-emotional learning, I want to help you to create fun, inexpensive learning and healing games that challenge appropriately and change frequently to keep kids interested and excited.
Why Feelings Memory?
This blog will instruct you on the creation and playing of Feelings Memory, an adaptation of classic memory matching games. By teaching children words to identify their emotions, as well as normalizing the experience of emotions, they will be more able to appropriately identify their own emotional experiences, understand that feelings are OK to talk about within the family, feel more comfortable asking for help with their emotional responses, and, eventually, learn how to cope with their emotional experiences.
How to Play
For those of you who have not played a memory match game in a while, or did not have access to these games during your childhood, the object of the game is pretty simple… use your memory to find more matched pairs than your opponent(s). Watch this video for a quick refresher, or scroll down to the instructions.
Determine how many pairs of cards will be appropriate for your child’s working memory and which feelings you want to explore.
Mix the cards and place them face down.
Take turns flipping over two cards at a time. If you uncover a match (i.e. two “happy” cards), pick them up. If you do not have a match (i.e. one “disappointed” card and one “frustrated” card), flip them back over in their original spots. Try to remember what you’ve already seen and where they are located.
When a player uncovers a match, the person who made the match talks about a time when he or she has experienced that feeling.
The person with the most matches at the end of the game, wins!
How to Create Your Own Cards
As far as do-it-yourself games, this one is very easy! Simply follow these step-by-step instructions:
Click here to download our ready-made playing cards.
Print two copies.
If desired, laminate or paste onto cardstock to give the cards more weight and durability.
Cut apart the cards into relatively equal sizes.
You’re done! Get ready to play!
Tips to Deepen the Learning
Once you have made the cards and generally understand the game, you will want to think through some additional factors for an enhanced experience between you and your child.
Determine how many sets of feelings your child can keep in his or her working memory.
Start with fewer sets and increase the number of set as your child achieves mastery.
Choose the cards that you want to use with your child, depending upon what you want to reinforce.
If you are teaching basic feelings to a young child, you might just choose mad, sad, scared and happy to start.
As you start to increase the memory challenge for young children, consider adding emotions such as add excited or loved, which are emotions that children tend to notice early and are typically non-threatening.
However, don’t avoid the “tough” emotions. They are just as important as those that are easier for us to experience and to talk about.
Ensure that your child understands the vocabulary on the cards before you start.
This doesn’t have to be a long process, but be sure to flip through the cards with your child, if you are unsure whether certain words are understood.
Normalize the experience of emotions.
The underlying message is that all feelings are OK.
Model appropriate identification and expression of emotions.
Have your own child-appropriate examples ready to share (e.g. skip the example of feeling annoyed with the child’s father for forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning yesterday; instead share feeling annoyed that there isn’t a dry cleaner closer to the home)
Empathize with your child’s feelings
It’s important for your child to know that you can handle their emotions and that you welcome their healthy expression of emotion.
Offer positive reinforcement
Thank your child for sharing their emotions with you. (e.g. “Wow! I didn’t know that you were feeling that way. I’m so glad that you shared that with me!”)
Keep it fun!
Cheer on your children as they revisit their emotive worlds! (e.g. “I can see you’re are really working hard on this! You’re doing such a great job figuring out your feelings!”)
Game Variations to Keep it Fresh
As I expressed at the beginning, to keep your child interested, change it up! You can vary aspects of the game to target different areas of learning or self-expression. Here are a few examples of how you can change the game:
Increase the number of matched pairs
Add feelings cards that are more complex for the child
Choose feelings cards within a specific emotional spectrum (e.g. dig into the spectrum of anger, by choosing mad, frustrated, annoyed and furious).
With every matched pair, identifying feelings experienced just today (can be very eye-opening for both parents and kids!)
With every matched pair, identify feelings experienced at a specific point in time (i.e. on vacation this year, at a recent family wedding)
With every matched pair, identify feelings noticed in other people
Make new feelings cards with your child! Our download includes 24 emotions, but this just scratches the surface! What about ecstatic, exasperated, or peaceful? There are so many emotions to help build your child’s vocabulary. Find new words to help your children express their affective experiences even better!
On Your Mark, Get Set…Play!
Ready to start playing? Download our Feelings Memory cards, try the game with your child, and let us know how it went! Share your experience on social and tag us—we’d love to see your family’s unique version of the game.
